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Understanding Everyones Love Language

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When my husband and I were first married we read a book that talked about different love languages. Later as I became a mom I realized that love languages don’t just apply to spouses; it applies to children too!

The times when I am frustrated with my kids and don’t want to even think about hugging them is the time when they need it the most.

I feel like every time that I sit down to feed our 9-month-old is the time when my other two kids think it is ok to fight or get themselves in trouble.
This afternoon as I was feeding the baby on the chair, our two older kids decided that it would be fun to climb on the table. I told them that they needed to get off or else they would go to their rooms. Before I knew it our two-year-old girl fell off the chair and it looked like she hit her chin on the table. After seeing that she was fine, I was a little frustrated that she didn’t listen, but seeing the tears in her eyes all I could think about was giving her a hug. She immediately calmed down. If I had raised my voice it would only have caused more frustrating feelings and more tears and screaming.

The other week as I was leaving the park our oldest child decided to not listen to me and would not hold onto the stroller or my hand. He was running towards a busy street. Instead of losing my cool and yelling at him, I picked him up while pushing the stroller and holding onto our daughter’s hand. It was difficult to keep my cool as I had him screaming and hitting me, but I did it! When I got in the car I explained what would have happened if they didn’t listen to me.

Some days I have to remind myself that our children are learning and sometimes it may take a long time for them to understand how to listen or to be kind to one another. But raising my voice does not help any situation. It only causes more stress. Sometimes I may not feel like giving them a hug, but our children’s love language definitely is physical touch and words of affirmation. They respond well to those two things and I have noticed a huge change in how they respond to me when I follow those two love languages.

Sharing Feelings

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I heard the most heartbreaking comment from our three-year-old, a day after I cut his hair. I can’t remember how the conversation went, but he told me that no one would talk with him because he got a haircut. It is a challenge to cut his hair, but I felt like I did a good job using the razor and having patience with him as he would scream and move around on the chair.

I wasn’t heartbroken because he thought I did a horrible job cutting his hair; I was heartbroken because he felt like other people wouldn’t like him because of his haircut. It was a random comment from him and maybe he didn’t mean it the way he said it, but it was sad to hear that from him.

It reminded me that we all need to be kind to each other and build up each other’s self-esteem. Everyone has feelings and kids especially are trying to understand those emotions that they are feeling.

It has reminded me to compliment our children even more so that they know just how amazing and loved they are. I also have been trying better to ask our children how they are doing and if they are ok. Sometimes I don’t understand all of what they are saying in their toddler words, but I want them to feel comfortable talking and sharing what they are feeling. So I am always there to listen to them.

A Nutty Reaction

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So far as a mom I have had two really scary moments that have both involved my firstborn son.
The one that I would like to talk about is his allergic reaction when he was a little over a year old, which involved peanut butter.

We had given him peanut butter in small amounts probably starting at eight or nine months. He did not have any kind of reaction to it so we thought that everything was good.
One morning I was feeding our son peanut butter on toast after my husband went to work. After a few bites he started to itch his eyes a lot. His eyes were getting very watery and he was getting red spots on his face and chest. I rushed him to the upstairs bathroom and took off his clothes as I believed him to be having an allergic reaction. I put him in the tub and started washing off the peanut butter that was left on his body. He was breathing fine and acting pretty normal. He just looked miserable from all the scratching.

Once I got all of the peanut butter off of him, it took maybe ten to fifteen minutes for his itching to calm down and he was back to his regular happy self. We talked to our family doctor about it. She was going to have him do an allergy test, but then covid happened and medical tests that weren’t as urgent were postponed. The more that we talked with people the more we just didn’t want our baby to have to go through the allergy test. It sounded painful with all the pokes that he would have to endure. We made a decision to avoid all kinds of nuts in our house. We were introduced to Wow Butter, which is a substitute for peanut butter and it is crazy how similar it smells and tastes like peanut butter.

However, this experience has scared me from trying any nuts with my other two kids for fear of having to deal with another allergic reaction. Thankfully it was not an extreme one where he went into anaphylaxis shock, but it was a reaction that could have been worse and so we take precautions and avoid all kinds of nuts.

Hard Work Brings Happiness

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Sometimes it is hard to take the kids out to the library or the park by myself. I wish that my husband could come with me all the time, but having a job is kind of important so that doesn’t work. There is definitely a lot of work that comes with going on an outing. I have to make sure that everyone has gone potty, that we have our shoes on, jackets zipped up…etc. I have to make sure that my bag is packed with diapers, lots of snacks to persuade the kids to leave the park, and toys for the car ride. It does take a lot of work to go somewhere where we may only spend 30 minutes at a certain place.

Recently I took our kids to the library when my mom was in town. I thought that it would be a fun little outing. Boy, was I wrong! Our oldest did not want to share the train set with any other kids at the library. Then he was upset that we could not find a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse CD. So while I was checking out I had the older two kids crying and wanting to “help” me check out, but it was not helpful at all. The baby was getting upset so Grandma took him outside. I finally made it out the door and as much as I would like to say that things got better after that, they did not. Our oldest was throwing a temper tantrum in the car the entire trip home. It felt like a disaster!

I did not want to take our kids anywhere else after that. It was embarrassing and I get embarrassed very easily. But even though it is hard most days, I do have to remind myself that it is important to get them out so that they can learn how to socialize with other kids. Covid has made it hard for our kids to learn how to act in public and socialize with other kids. I have felt bad and feel like they have lost out on a lot because they have been in lockdown for what seems like most of their life. Plus moving to a new place in covid hasn’t helped because it has made it hard to get to know other individuals. So any chance I get to take them out, I will because I want them to learn and have fun. Recently our son has been saying after trips to the park or the splash pad, “Thank you, mommy, for taking us out.” It has made my day when he has said this because even though going out is hard, I know that they have enjoyed our outing. That brings me a lot of happiness.

Quality Time

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Personally I have felt like adjusting to three kids is harder than two kids. I want to be able to give them all equal attention, but I know they deserve more. Our second child has become a little more defiant; she loves saying “no” a lot and getting in her brother’s space and annoying him. Today the thought came to me that part of her problem is that, yes, she is a toddler so it is normal what she is doing, but also that she might be needing a little more extra attention.

So I thought that maybe starting some special one- on- one parent attention time would be best for our children. We may go on a walk, go to the library, hang out at the park… etc. It might not be every week that we do this; we would do it as we feel like it is especially needed.
I can’t remember a day, besides doctors appointments, that I have had at least one child on an outing. Every child is different, but I think it is important for our children that we set aside some special quality time for them that doesn’t involve the other kids.

Tonight I took our daughter on a walk around the neighborhood. She really enjoyed it and it was fun to see her get excited about the dogs that she saw. I would ask her how many dogs did she see and she would say an outrageous number just because she wanted to be silly. Our other two kids were at home with daddy having a dance party and having a blast. Our oldest son is already excited for his special quality time tomorrow and has already chosen that he wants to go on a walk too.

Melting Snow

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The snow is starting to melt. I would be lying if I said I was sad to see the snow go, but I am not a fan of it and probably never will be. I once told my husband that people that say they like the snow never had to shovel it; especially in negative degree, chilly weather.

We have gotten so much snow this winter. I am not sure when all of the snow is going to melt, but it has started so that is nice. I have tried getting our kids outside most every day, at least for a little bit this winter. In the beginning, it was challenging because our oldest would not like to put on his snow gear. He has never liked to wear jackets or hats. So I looked at different hat options and I found one that I thought he would love to wear and it worked. It even came with mittens so that was a bonus. I have loved to see our children playing in the snow and going down the tall hills of snow that we have. I will admit that it was a little sad to have the snow melting and to see their disappointment as they couldn’t easily climb up the hills because the snow was too mushy.

However, it is fun to see them stomping in the puddles that are now forming in our backyard. I thought that our oldest would have a fit because he was getting dirty from the mud, but so far he has been fine and really enjoys going outside. I am sure our kids will miss the snow a little bit when it all goes, but I think they will be happy to finally be able to play in the sandbox. Every day our oldest asks if he can play in the sandbox. I tell him not quite yet, but when most of the snow melts then he can play in it. Our daughter was playing with some snow in the backyard and said she was eating a donut. I looked at the ice she was holding and I could see why she was pretending it was a donut. It was a circle and it had a hole in the center.

There are some good memories from this winter, but we are ready to make some new ones that don’t involve snow.

-Jelly Jazz

What I learned from online dating- Part 2

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Here is my continuing blog about “What I learned from online dating” Part 2.

I felt a little bit hurt that my Canadian friend didn’t email me back and was I was mad. I would think to myself “What did I do wrong?” “Was he just pretending to be nice?” I would try to forget him, but I just couldn’t. I talked to one more guy on the dating site, but it just wasn’t the same. Once again the guy just only wanted to talk about himself and rarely asked me questions.
Once my membership came up for renewal on the dating site, I was done.

About six months passed. I was sitting in church during Sunday School and was looking at my phone and I saw an email from my Canadian guy! I have to admit my heart jumped at seeing this, but then that excitement turned to anger. I thought to myself, “How dare this guy think that he can just treat me like this. Was he going to chat with me and then disappear again?”

In his email, he said, “I just wanted to say hi and hope you are doing well. How was your summer?” How did I respond? Not very kindly. This is my response- “So since I am in a crappy mood I have no problem saying “Why are you talking to me?” I didn’t feel bad about sending it until he responded back. Here is his response. “I am very sorry….. for many reasons. First I am sorry to hear that you are in a crappy mood. I only want good things for you. Second I am sorry for bothering you. I am talking to you because I think you are a great person and I enjoyed our conversations and just missed them. I had no intent in leaving you hanging. Things just happened. I understand if you just want to go our separate ways now and I hope all your dreams come true. But know that I mean everything I have said and that I thank you for being a positive influence in my life during a very dark time. Take care and I hope you feel better soon.”

You can imagine how bad I felt after his response. I looked at his response and remembered why I enjoyed this guy and the conversations that we had. I could tell he was being very sincere. I could tell he cared about me and only wanted good things for me. The same day I wrote back and apologized for being so rude in my email. We mended things over and from that day forward we chatted pretty much every day. We sent emails, moved to texting every day, and then we skyped every day.

That’s one more thing that I learned from online dating. It is important to talk a lot with the person that you are building a relationship with. We will always say that the first time we met in person at the airport, we felt like we had known each other forever. Things weren’t awkward between us. It was because we talked and talked a lot! We got to know each other pretty well and that is very important in building a relationship.

-Jelly Jazz

What I learned from online dating Part 1

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When people ask how my husband and I met they are always surprised to hear that we met online.
They usually will say, “Wow! That’s really cool.” They may also say, “Usually I don’t think of online dating working out very well. Especially long-distance relationships. That’s cool that you could make it work.” My husband and I tell people that if we learned one thing from online dating it is that we took our time.

I wasn’t sure about online dating sites, but I just had a feeling that I needed to check it out. I sometimes would get a bunch of guys that were three or four times my age that would message me. Those messages always ended up in the trash unopened. There were some guys that would message me and only wanted to talk about themselves and never asked me questions. Then one day I got a message from the guy that is now my husband.

I saw that he was from Canada. That seemed kind of cool. I saw that there was a little bit of an age gap, but it didn’t bother me. I was mostly drawn to his face. Of course, he was very handsome, but as I looked at his face in those pictures I could just tell he was a very caring and kind guy. To this day he still is.
The other thing that drew me to him was that he asked me questions. He seemed to genuinely care about getting to know me. We chatted every so often. I would always get excited when I saw that I got a message from him. One day he asked for my email. He said that he wasn’t sure if he was going to renew his membership with the dating site, but he wanted to make sure we could keep in touch. I gave him my email. We maybe emailed two times and then I didn’t hear from him for about six months.

So what did I learn so far from online dating? Number one- don’t jump at the first person that messages you. Number two- Beware and be alert. Number three- have lots of pictures on your profile. One thing that my husband said was that he loved that I had lots of pictures up on my dating profile. That’s what drew him to me. And number four- some people are just bad at email. Wish I knew that before so I didn’t get mad at him later on when he finally did email me back. 🙂 But that is a story for Part 2 of “What I learned from online dating.”

-Jelly Jazz

What I learned from my bully

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Bullying has been on my mind a lot recently. There is so much bullying in the world. I have seen a few articles recently about bullying and unfortunately the sad and devastating effects that it can cause to individuals. It is quite sad that people think that it is ok to be mean to others.

When I think of bullying I think of my high school days. High school was hard on many levels, but it was especially hard during freshman year. I have always loved PE class. I love fitness and being active, but I disliked going to first-period PE class because I was right next to the bullies in the locker room. I don’t remember when it started or why, I just know that it was scary to go to PE class. I remember arriving first thing to try and avoid running into them. I even dressed in the bathroom sometimes because I was scared of them. I also hated that they would pick on two of my friends that were right next to me in the locker room. These bullies would say hurtful comments, most of them I thankfully don’t remember now.

I remember one time in PE class we were playing soccer and my friends and a few other people were on one team and the bullies were on the other. I remember as they were making fun of us, I kicked the ball and it hit one of the bullies right in the knee. It was a hard hit too! Oh was she mad and was threatening to beat me up, but I didn’t care. It was of course an accident, even though she didn’t see it that way, but it sure felt good. She and her group of friends went to the teacher to try and get me in trouble, but luckily the teacher took my side.

I remember talking to my mom a lot about what was going on and I remember her asking, “What do you think you should do?” I cried because I knew that I needed to pray and ask Heavenly Father for help. He wanted to help me, but I needed to do my part and ask for his help and comfort. After praying I knew that I needed to talk with the female PE teachers and see if we could get reassigned lockers. After telling them what was going on they thankfully were able to reassign lockers to me and my friends.

The same bully I hit with the ball was also in my German class. I didn’t talk to her and without her little buddies she wasn’t too bad in that class, but I still didn’t like her because she was a bully. I remember towards the end of the year we were doing a group presentation. Who do you think was in my group? My bully was! I could not believe it. I did not want to work with her. Luckily we didn’t have to speak much as we worked with three other students.
Finally, the big day came and we were getting ready to present. The girl was very nervous and said “I am so scared. I don’t think I can do this.” All of a sudden I said “It’s alright. You will do fine.” I could not believe that came out of my mouth. Why did I say that? This girl bullied me through half of my freshman year. Why was I being nice to her? Did I forgive her for what she did? Not then, no. But I realized that it was important to be kind to everyone. It is important to try and love others as Jesus did. Sometimes things may not change, but Heavenly Father sees your efforts and blesses you for that.

I want to teach our own kids to always be kind to one another. I want them to always feel comfortable to talk to both mommy and daddy. I want them to know how loved they are from not only us, but from their Heavenly Father.

Everyone’s story is different. But I learned from my bully how to be a better person. Showing kindness makes all the difference in the world because everyone should feel loved.

-Jelly Jazz

New Year!

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Happy New Year!

I have not stayed up until midnight for a long time. It has been years! When I was working, I would work the morning shift. I had to get up before 5 am. So there was no way on New Years Eve that I was going to stay up. Since being married I don’t think we have ever stayed up until midnight. We need our sleep.
But I am sure everyone had a great start to the new year. I am excited for 2022. 2021 wasn’t too bad. I mean we didn’t have to move in 2021 like we have the last two years. So that is a bonus.

Last night we had a little dance party, played some games and did a few crafts. I have been trying to come up with resolutions for the new year.

Number one is once a month I will find one thing that I like about where we live. Moving in a pandemic has not helped the issue because there really isn’t much to do or people to see because we don’t know a whole lot of people. So I will be working on that this year.
Number two is to have more patience with my kids. They have their moments where they just like to push my buttons. I need to remember that they are learning and that they listen better when I give gentle reminders.
Lastly, number three is to exercise. I don’t have any specifics about it yet, but I will work on exercising hopefully every day; minus Sundays. Working out definitely helps relax me and is good for my mental health.
Hopefully, I can accomplish all of these this year. I need to remember that if I mess up a few times with my resolutions that that is ok. I just need to not get discouraged and to get up and keep going.
I am still working on part two of my birth story so stay tuned!

-Jelly Jazz